Posts in Musings
2019 - My year of Realisation

… But on that fateful January 1st 2018, here I was, heaving on the floor in my Olaf from Frozen onesie, while my partner in his Chewbacca onesie was trying to hold me together while I was slowly and painfully falling apart (sidenote, yes I make Christmas onesies a mandatory thing 🙈). As soon as all our guests, friends and family had left, I caved, I crumbled and became one with the floor, even wishing to sink into and merge with it. I was hurting in more ways than I could feel or express. I couldn’t breathe, I could only cry, the really super ugly kind where you have snot hanging a mile down your nostrils and your whole face looking like you’ve been stung by a thousand bees. The only words I could utter through my hysterical breathless sobs were “I’m so tired, I’m exhausted, I can’t continue”. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for my partner to see me in that state and not being able to help. He did try though, he always does, never stops…

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Why I got naked in the Lake District

For the first time in a very very long time, I was able to tune out my brain and tune into the frequency nature was presenting to me. I could hear and truly appreciate a multitude of birdsongs, the pure and crisp smell of air purified by lush green foliage emerging after a long harsh winter. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace and my brain was so in awe of all the wonders it was trying to process that it didn't have the time to serve me with the usual self-beating I had become accustomed to.

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